It was early October 2006 in Dallas, Texas, and the day of my abortion was finally here.
I was angry I was pregnant. I had sold myself a lie that my pregnancy was a blob, not a baby. That day I thought I was going back to being ‘normal’ – age 20, not married, and not pregnant.
I chose abortion in part because I had been caught in my sin. I was having sex outside of marriage and, as a “Christian,” that wasn’t allowed. So I hid the evidence. I chose sin to cover myself. Little did I know I truly could be covered, that I could hide my life in something lasting. I was in pursuit of my own desires for my life. I never considered the life inside me, the wishes of my child’s father, and definitely never God’s desires.
Little did I know how great God loves His people, including my unborn baby and me. Little did I know how even greater God would put His glory on display for me to see.
My story is wrought with sin. After my abortion, I held to the lie that my baby was just a blob – it wasn’t that big a deal; life goes on. I continued to hide over the next five years. I was scared of being honest about who I really was.
I hid my fears by drinking until I blacked out regularly. I tried to perfect myself outwardly by eating 500 calories a day or less. I fought for affection from the world. I hopped from relationship to relationship, using men to satisfy my hunger for acceptance.
The sin in my life that I thought wasn’t that big a deal now piled high. It seemed to suffocate me. I was angry. I felt that it had all happened to me. I was blind. I couldn’t see that this life of sin was a life I created. I went from feeling in control of my life to terrified of where it was going. I became self-destructive and a deep sadness followed me.
My story is a story of redemption – of God’s faithfulness.
Fast forward to 2012 – I had moved to Washington, D.C. My abortion now weighed heavily on me. I started to understand that I did, in fact, lose my baby. I deserved hell. I lived in fear. In God’s kindness, He shined His light on my life. God led me to a group of women to study the Bible and talk openly about abortion without judgment.
My eyes were opened. I realized that I wasn’t the victim. I had willfully chosen abortion, I had murdered my child, and there was nothing good in me. Only after finally understanding this could I accept Christ’s payment for my crime. I was bound for hell and deserving of God’s wrath, but graciously Jesus came and lived a perfect life and died in my place.
God raised Jesus from the dead to accept His payment so that I can now stand forgiven before God. I am covered in Christ’s righteousness. Those women helped me see God’s merciful love even for those who commit abortion.
My story is a story of how God displays His glory through His people.
In DC, I participated in a biblical support group – a ministry of Capitol Hill Pregnancy Center known as Post Abortion Trauma Healing (PATH). We met weekly at the Justice House of Prayer DC (JHOP DC).
Looking back, I can see God all in my story. Early that fateful morning, back in 2006, outside Fairmont Center there was a crowd of people with red tape covering their mouths. I didn’t know who they were or why they were there. I just knew they didn’t agree with what I was about to do. At the time, I assumed it to be a silent protest – a barrier to my abortion. Little did I know!
One night during PATH in Washington, I noticed a postcard with an image that looked all too familiar – an image of people with red tape covering their mouths. I asked who they were and learned that they are part of an organization called Bound4LIFE. Bound4LIFE faithfully joins together to pray over women heading into abortion clinics.
Those ‘protestors’ had prayed for me the day of my abortion. I now know that group, not as protestors, but as part of the loving body of Christ. PATH had been meeting in Bound4LIFE’s headquarters at JHOP DC, and I didn’t even know it!
Even then, in my sin, God loved me so much that he would have others plead on my behalf, praying that God would show even me mercy. A long five years and 1,328 miles later, I came to know that mercy. He brought me back to Himself. He even brought me back to the people who prayed over me and my baby the day of my abortion.
God loves his people. He is deeply involved in our lives and not a single detail escapes Him. The details are marked with his fingerprints so that we can see His glory. He loves us so much that He involves us. He doesn’t need us, He is mighty and all powerful. But He is so kind He enlists even us in the greatest mission in the history of all creation.
My story is a story of the power of prayer.
Pray. Never cease. God loves to listen to our prayers. God loves when we pray for His will to be done – for sinners to know God’s love displayed on the Cross. Pray that for a friend today. Pray that for a stranger today.
Bound4LIFE prays hours upon hours and watches woman after woman walk into clinics to follow through with her abortion. Some don’t, yet I’m sure it feels like a fruitless ministry sometimes; rest assured, it is not. Let me encourage you – because of your prayers, I saw God in my story and know Jesus to have covered even my abortion.
I am eternally grateful for your prayers.
The author of this guest post is an anonymous client of the Capitol Hill Pregnancy Center, affiliated with the Justice House of Prayer DC and Bound4LIFE.